Taxman Krabs
by mah29732
Summary: It's tax time for Bikini Bottom, and as a scheme to gain revenue, Mr. Krabs has decided to become Bikini Bottom's tax collector by working for the government...or so do they think...
1. Revenue Down

Taxman Krabs

Chapter 1: Revenue Down

Poor Eugene Krabs was indeed going through last year's taxes which he knew this coming year's taxes was going to be quite heavy on his business. A certain Spongebob Squarepants was calmly heading into his office to see what was the matter with his boss.

"Sir, you've been in your office for quite awhile, practically the entire day" said Spongebob.

"Look at how much the government is demanding me in taxes!" cried Mr. Krabs as he showed his employee the bill, "I offer so much for Bikini Bottom and how do they pay in return? By demanding me to owe them more money!"

"We can always increase sales you like that" said Spongebob.

"No, this time I think we're going to become Tax People!" continued Mr. Krabs.

"But I don't know a thing about accounting" said Spongebob.

"Don't worry you can leave everything to be, because we're going to get more revenue!" laughed Mr. Krabs.

Soon enough the Krusty Krabs after a few days had turned itself into a chapter for Bikini Bottom's tax collector for the local Bikini Bottom government.

"I just cannot believe he's doing this!" cried Squidward, "Making us do accounting and serving customers?"

"Oh come on Squidward, Mr. Krabs is thinking out of the box here" laughed Spongebob.

"He's lost his marbles" replied Squidward.

"Oh come on Squidward this will be fun" said Spongebob.

"Nothing is ever fun when Mr. Krabs screws everything up" said Squidward.

"Squidward, I'll pretend I didn't hear that and will move on with my day but you should give this a chance" said Spongebob.

As Spongebob went off on his day, Mr. Krabs who was busy in his office doing some more calculations was indeed receiving more revenue from the customers as they were handing him over their taxes that they owed that they thought were giving to the Bikini Bottom government.

"It's nice that I finally am on the side of the government getting the taxes that are justly deserved" laughed Mr. Krabs.

But as Mr. Krabs continued his job, he made things more expensive for the customers at the Krusty Krab whom some of them were fleeing toward the Cum Bucket.

"This is too much for us" said a customer, "I'm going over to the Cum Bucket."

"What, you can't do that!" cried Mr. Krabs who came barging right out of his office.

"And why not?" asked another customer.

"Because if you do, I'll charge you a tax if you go to the Cum Bucket" continued Mr. Krabs, "about fifty bucks if you leave my restaurant to go to the Cum Bucket!"

A few of the customers were indeed scared into supporting Mr. Krabs and continued to dine at the Krusty Krabs, while others paid the fifty dollars in tax toward him anyway just so they could leave.

"Uh, Mr. Krabs, sir this doesn't seem right" said Spongebob.

"Ha, we're the government now Spongebob me boy" continued Mr. Krabs as he was flipping through the fifty dollar bills that were given him, "instead of just taxing my customers, why don't I make you and Squidward my chief tax collectors for the rest of the town of Bikini Bottom?"

"Gee, I don't know" said Spongebob.

"I'll give you a raise if you do a good job in collecting enough revenue" said Mr. Krabs.

As both Spongebob and Squidward were gathered to become tax collectors, Mr. Krabs gave them a map of the area, as they were heading out to do some tax collecting, Plankton was observing the two as he noticed an influx of customers from the Krusty Krab to his restaurant because of Mr. Krabs' zealotry in over taxation of his own customers.

"Look at that fool overtaxing his own customers and make them coming to me" said Plankton, "if he keeps this up, he'll be going out of business!"

"I'm not so sure" said Karen, "Krabs is getting pretty crafty."

"Well I'm going to spy on those two, if Krabs has become in cahoots with the Bikini Bottom government in becoming a tax collector, I want to get the right dirt on Krabs and his so-called tax collectors, then the Bikini Bottom government would be more respectful toward me" said Plankton.

"Well, just be careful out there" said Karen, "I'll watch any of these customers for you."

"Thanks appreciate it" said Plankton as he headed out.

As Plankton headed out to spy on Spongebob and Squidward, Mr. Krabs had already given a list of taxes he needed to be collected from the people of Bikini Bottom which were going to typically head back toward the Krusty Krab instead.

"You sure what Mr. Krabs is doing is even legal?" asked Squidward.

"Oh come on Squidward he's just thinking out of the box that's all" said Spongebob.

"I don't know if we're even supposed to be responsible for doing something like this" continued Squidward.

"Come on, what could possibly go wrong?" continued Spongebob.

"Lots of things, trust me" sighed Squidward.

"You're being a worry wart" laughed Spongebob.

Squidward was right to be suspicious about Mr. Krabs, as the two were heading down the first block, Squidward had an uneasy feeling that something was going to go wrong.


	2. House to House

Chapter 2: House to House

Squidward continued to feel uneasy collecting people's taxes as he along with Spongebob went house to house to collect what the residents of Bikini Bottom owed for the local government. Mr. Krabs had specifically instructed Spongebob on a few additional fees that the government of Bikini Bottom didn't seem to care to add onto the tax payer.

"Uh, I do not know if what we're doing is supposed to be legal" said Squidward.

"Nonsense, Mr. Krabs told me this is perfectly leader, after all the government certified him" continued Spongebob.

"Well, in that case" said Squidward who reluctantly went along with Spongebob.

As the two headed toward the first house, it was typically Patrick's rock which Spongebob knocked on it.

"Spongebob, you're here to visit me!" laughed Patrick, "Say what's Squidward doing with you?"

"Where here to collect some taxes" said Spongebob.

"Uh, hmm oh yea I got this uh, wel-fare card" said Patrick who gave Spongebob his certificate card.

"Hmm, I better phone in Mr. Krabs with my mobile Shellphone" said Spongebob.

As Spongebob called up Mr. Krabs who was busy in his office counting money, he picked up his phone as it rang.

"Yea, this is Krabs, Spongebob, how you're doing on collecting tax revenue?" asked Mr. Krabs.

"Uh, what happens when I come across someone who is on welfare?" asked Spongebob.

"What?" cried Mr. Krabs, "That free loader thinks he can get away by being cheap on me, put him to work!"

"You can help us collect taxes" said Spongebob to Patrick.

"Oh boy, I get a tour of the city again!" laughed Patrick.

As Patrick tagged along with the duo, they headed toward the next house, the fish man opened up the door and noticed the trio standing before him.

"Can I help you?" asked the resident to the trio in question.

"We're here to collect your taxes" said Spongebob.

"Okay, how much do I owe you?" asked the resident.

"About five hundred dollars" said Spongebob.

"What, this is ridiculous, I'll pay just to get you three off of my back" said the resident as he wrote them a check.

As the trio headed toward the next house, Spongebob rang the doorbell which a fish woman answered the door.

"Can I help you three?" asked the resident.

"We're here to collect taxes!" laughed Patrick.

"Oh my, well, how much can it be?" asked the resident.

"Hmm, I'll have to check" said Spongebob, "about seven hundred."

"Outrageous!" cried the resident as she couldn't believe how high the taxes were, "Fine, I'll pay just to get you two off my back."

"Thank you ma'am" laughed Spongebob as he took the check from her.

As the trio headed toward the next house, Squidward noticed familiar anti-government signs littered throughout the yard.

"Uh, Spongebob, I feel that we should care for our own safety and just skip this house" said Squidward.

"Nonsense Squidward, Mr. Krabs was specific that he wanted to collect taxes from everyone" continued Spongebob, "after all that's what the Bikini Bottom government told him to do."

"Yea, but I feel this house should be skipped" said Squidward.

"Oh boy, the doorbell, me first!" said Patrick as he pushed both Squidward and Spongebob out of the way.

Suddenly a large muscular walrus answered the door and noticed the trio.

"What do you three want?" asked the walrus.

"We're here to collect taxes that you owe from the Bikini Bottom government" said Spongebob.

"Did you three forget to read the sign?" asked the walrus to Spongebob.

"Yea, they're pretty signs" said Spongebob.

The walrus then grabbed all three and then escorted them toward a sign that was on his yard.

"See this sign?" asked the walrus as he pointed that it had it read No Government which government was crossed out with a large x.

"Nice worksmanship" said Patrick who was rather unaware of it.

"I am going to give you three a chance to just walk away from my house and never come back unless if you're here to bring me mail then I do not want you here, got it?" asked the walrus.

"Crystal clear, I told them that we should have never bothered you in the first place" said Squidward as sweat ran down his forehead.

"Good, now get going or I just might change my mind" said the walrus as he let the trio go.

Spongebob then once again called Mr. Krabs as they were a bit far off the walrus' property.

"Uh, Mr. Krabs, we got a situation here" said Spongebob to Mr. Krabs.

"What's the problem now?" asked Mr. Krabs.

"There's a resident who refuses to pay his taxes, he has all those anti-government signs" said Spongebob.

"So, just go up to his house and demand that he pay what he owes me, I mean the Bikini Bottom government money" continued Mr. Krabs.

"Wait, did he just say me?" asked Squidward.

"No he didn't" said Patrick.

"You heard Patrick and Mr. Krabs, we're going to have to find a way to get that walrus guy to pay his taxes" said Spongebob.

"I know this was trouble from the start" sighed Squidward.

As the trio were trying to figure out a way to get the resident to pay his taxes, Plankton noticed the trio as he began spying on them.

"Hmm, sounds like those three might be up to no good" said Plankton, "I better take a closer look and see for myself."

As Plankton continued to spy on the trio, he wouldn't know how much trouble they'd all be in soon enough.


	3. Don't Trend on Walrus

Chapter 3: Don't Trend on Walrus

Mr. Krabs wasn't about to let a citizen from Bikini Bottom not pay their fair share of taxes, Spongebob along with Squidward and Patrick were having trouble with one particular citizen a large walrus who didn't like the government nor wanted to pay its taxes.

"How the heck are we going to convince the guy to pay his taxes?" asked Spongebob.

"I saw this on tv one time, that someone got a large check of money from some other guy, only when the guy who got the check signed the paper work he didn't get the money he thought" said Patrick.

"That's perfect Patrick, we'll trick him into believing he won a million dollars, but what he'll be really doing is signing a check to the Bikini Bottom government instead!" said Spongebob.

"Wow, for an imbecile I'd have to say you came up with a great idea, it better work" said Squidward to Patrick.

As the trio created a large check for the walrus, Spongebob rang the doorbell a few times until the walrus answered it.

"You three again?" asked the walrus.

"Congratulations you won a check for a thousand dollars!" said Spongebob who held up the phony large check, "All we need you to do is sign this contract and you'll have free money."

"Sure, sure, I'll sign it" said the walrus.

As the walrus signed the documents he knew were really to get his taxes, he handed over the documents to Spongebob who then gave the walrus the fake large check supposedly worth a thousand dollars.

"Wow, I can't believe that worked Patrick!" laughed Spongebob as they thought they got the walrus's signature.

"Let me see the signature first before we hand it over to Mr. Krabs" said Squidward to which Squidward then read the so-called signature out loud, "Nice Try Losers."

"That's his name?" asked Patrick.

Patrick then gets slapped by Squidward right in the face.

"No you dummy, that means he tricked us!" cried Squidward.

As Squidward continued to scream and yell at Patrick for being the dummy that he was, Plankton couldn't help but to overhear the trio arguing and bickering about the subject.

"Excuse me!" roared Plankton.

"Oh, Plankton, hi, we're tax collectors for Mr. Krabs" said Spongebob.

"Since when did Krabs worked for the Bikini Bottom government?" asked Plankton.

"He got certified just this week" continued Spongebob.

"Interesting" said Plankton, "anything I can do to help out?"

"Well, you could go and help spy on the walrus, he doesn't want to give his fair share of taxes" said Spongebob.

"Wish we all could, I mean that's wrong" said Plankton.

As Plankton headed toward the house, he slipped through the window which was opened just ajar right for someone as small as himself to sneak right through. Plankton continued to search for the walrus, but suddenly a jar ended up hovering right over Plankton sealing him within.

"An intruder, a very small intruder" said the walrus.

"Listen pal, why won't you pay your taxes?" asked Plankton.

"Hmm, you're not from those trio who bothered me about it, so I'll tell you" said the walrus, "you see, I am tired of the bureaucracy that has infected with the Bikini Bottom government and I refuse to even submit by handing out what I owe them in taxes."

"So what would you like if I ran things?" asked Plankton.

"You, how are you going to help me?" asked the walrus.

"Well, I can make sure no one will bother you ever again" said Plankton.

"Done" said the walrus who lifted the jar.

"There's just one thing I need help on and that's acquiring the Krabby Patty secret formula, you can be my bodyguard against Mr. Krabs" said Plankton.

"Who's he?" asked the walrus.

"The owner of the Krusty Krab, oh yea and he was recently licensed by the Bikini Bottom government to harass you to collect your taxes" said Plankton.

"So, this Krabs things he can get my money?" asked the walrus, "Show me where he resides."

Suddenly the walrus came right out with Plankton on his shoulder.

"Plankton, you did it, did he agree that he'd pay his taxes?" asked Spongebob.

"Even better, he's going to boil Mr. Krabs in hot water" laughed Plankton.

"That's what you get for crossing someone like me" said the walrus.

The walrus ended up pushing the trio right out of his way as he began his trek toward the Krusty Krab.

"Quick, we have to take a shortcut to warn Mr. Krabs" said Spongebob.

"Why?" asked Squidward who didn't seem to care.

"That walrus is big mean and scary!" cried Patrick.

"Yea so we have to" continued Spongebob.

"Oh I am going to hate myself in the morning for doing something like this" sighed Squidward who didn't want to save Mr. Krabs at all.

As the trio did their best to catch up with the walrus, Plankton was quite gleeful that the walrus was going to do his dirty work into crushing Mr. Krabs, as for Mr. Krabs he was quite unaware of the impending doom that he was going to face typically enough he was still counting money.


	4. Trying to Fry Krabs

Chapter 4: Trying to Fry Krabs

Plankton was rather hopeful that the walrus would lead him to Mr. Krabs and finish him off for him, meanwhile Spongebob, Squidward and Patrick raced back to the Krusty Krab as fast as they could, even taking shortcuts along the way to avoid the walrus.

"Quick we have to warn Mr. Krabs!" cried Spongebob as he was racing against the clock.

"The things I do to care for a paycheck" sighed Squidward.

As the trio made their way to the Krusty Krab first, the trio bust right into Mr. Krabs office who was still typically busy counting his own money.

"This better be important I just lost count, counting all me money" said Mr. Krabs.

"There's a big mean guy coming this way!" cried Spongebob.

"He's that crazy walrus guy who wouldn't pay his uh, taxes" said Patrick.

"Hmm, if he's a big guy that means another hungry customer!" laughed Mr. Krabs.

As the walrus himself soon arrived, he pushed a few customers out of the way.

"Hey, just what do you think you're trying to do pal?" asked the customer who was pushed down by the walrus.

"I am going to make the boss of this joint pay for making me pay more taxes" said the walrus.

"And he's also helping me" laughed Plankton to which Plankton then pointed the walrus to Mr. Krabs' office, "there, there's the main office."

Suddenly the door behind Spongebob, Squidward and Patrick broke right down as the walrus busted it down.

"You!" shouted the walrus.

"Wow, you must be pretty hungry to come all the way to the Krusty Krab" said Mr. Krabs.

"I am not here for food" said the walrus.

"Then are you here to give me money from the taxes you owe?" asked Mr. Krabs.

"Yea, that's just what I am here for" said the walrus.

"Good, let me have it then" said Mr. Krabs.

But the scene soon changed with Mr. Krabs soon finding himself tied up about to literally be dumped into hot boiling water in a large tub.

"Wait, you can't do this to me!" cried Mr. Krabs, "I was legally licensed!"

"There must be someway we can still try to save Mr. Krabs!" cried Spongebob.

"Well, I pulled through as much as I could here" said Squidward who was calling it quits as he was heading home, "let me know who wins."

Spongebob thought up of a plan, he quickly headed toward the kitchen and made a quick Krabby Patty for the walrus.

"Please sir, please don't boil my boss, he was only trying to do Bikini Bottom good by making people pay taxes" said Spongebob.

"Yea why not try one of my Krabby Patties which will be coming out of Spongebob's paycheck" added Mr. Krabs.

"Fine" said the walrus as he ate a bite of the Krabby Patty his taste buds blew up with excitement inside his mouth, "what have I done, just what am I doing here?"

"Boil Krabs, boil Krabs, boil Krabs!" cried Plankton who was trying to egg the walrus on.

"Enough!" roared the walrus who knocked Plankton off of his shoulder.

The walrus then released Mr. Krabs, and then released him.

"Wow, is there anyway I can make things better, like how about not paying any taxes?" asked Mr. Krabs.

"That would be great" said the walrus who ended up accidently stepping on poor Plankton who was trying to find the secret formula for the Krabby Patty.

"And I think I know what job you'll qualify for to excuse you for paying taxes" said Mr. Krabs.

As the scene ends up changing the walrus becomes the security guard for the Krusty Krab being paid very well by Mr. Krabs who didn't mind the expense since he's getting it written off in taxes.

"I can't believe Bikini Bottom is letting me have him as a good security guard for the Krusty Krab, now we won't have to worry about Plankton anymore" laughed Mr. Krabs.

"Life is sure good again Mr. Krabs" laughed Spongebob.

As Plankton showed up again, he was in a robot trying to get into the Krusty Krab.

"Alright I'll deal with this" said the walrus.

The walrus ends up taking apart the robot revealing Plankton inside.

"I guess I'll be on my way, curse you Krabs!" cried Plankton as he ran off.

As Plankton ran off to the Chum Bucket, the scene ends from there.


End file.
